ok, so I guess I am a petty person. The other morning my lovely wife Rachelishungry decided to make some biscuits, and they turned out really nice. Light and fluffy, warm and tasty, just like her! minus the fluffy part of course…In other words her biscuits were the exact opposite of my many attempts at creating biscuits but actually making hockey pucks made of sawdust…I can cook almost anything, but a good biscuit has always eluded me for some reason which I have mentally swept under the kitchen rug for years…but my wife’s biscuits made me so darn mad at myself i had to one up her and make even better biscuits, and by Jove and bu golly i think i did just that….sorry wifeishungry…i used an old recipe for Angel Biscuits from one of my vintage cookbooks…see, my biscuits were always too flat, like a can of pepsi sitting on the hood of a car in summer or the top of Glenn’s head…but the addition of yeast!?!?!?!?!?!? sounds like sacrilegious jibber jabber, but it sure did work..anyway..i ate one…lisaishungry ate one, catishungry ate one…somerandomladyintheshopishungry ate one…and we all agreed that they were the best biscuits ever made by anyone ever in the history of mankind, including your grandmother!!! yes YOU!!!!!<<<<<warning!!! the previous statement is probably not true in any way shape or form<<<<<<<
anywho, look at the pictures, yo! there’s even some pictures of the book store all up in this mofo!!! maybe even a PICTURE OF SOME POTATOES!!!!! FUDGE YES!!!! word to your mother..peace im out..abc-ya…drop the zero and get with the hero baby!!!!
The letter for today is “I” because its a very self absorbed day which only thinks of itself. As some of you may or may not know, this is a thing
and I’m a part of that thing. Check out other parts of that thing and join in the conversation, or just troll the comments, whatever floats your proverbial boat or turns your proverbial crank or greases your proverbial gears or puts wind in your proverbial sails or , worst case scenario, puts hair on your proverbial teeth.
Good news is I made cookies! Kind of! I was going for good old fashioned Doo-Doo Cookies, as i like to call them, but you may know them as Chocolate Oatmeal Refrigerator Cookies or No Bake Cookies, but they are in fact Doo-Doo Cookies…just admit it, you like eating doo-doo cookies, its OKAY..its not really poop..anywho
Mental note for all cookie makers…one CUP of butter is TWICE as much as one STICK of butter. That is why this turned into a Doo-Doo Bark instead of Doo-Doo Cookies….again with the doo-doo?!? my word! good lawd! gracious be!
I didn’t have cocoa powder so i used 60% cocoa dark chocolate chunks instead and put some more dark chocolate ships and white chocolate chips on top..sort of like the Michael Jackson and Paul McCartney video for “Say Say Say” one of my favorite 80’s videos/songs..i actually bought some suspenders and an old fashioned cap to mimic MJ in the video which was better than when i had the pleather Thriller jacket, but that is another horrifically awkward story that involves a straw fedora and white linen pants..ANywh0
here’s some pics
I worked at a little hole in the wall/roach farm/ISS nightmare/underage-beer-provider/ chicken wing and beer joint located on the Strip in the early 90’s named Spicy’s. I worked both in the front and the back of the house at various times and witnessed some kitchen nightmares that would make Gordon Ramsey pee the bed.
As a caveat let me say this: the chicken wings , steak and cheese sammiches, and oriental bbq steak sammiches were ab=so=fucking=lutely deeeeelicious. Most of the recipes came from the original(?) owner, who was Asian. Not sure what part of Asia, but I really only met him once or twice as he rode off to California in his red Corvette( for realsies). The chicken wing sauce was very simple . yet unmatched in all my wing eating travels. The steak and cheeses were simple but fresh cut beef only because it was cheaper to pay someone almost nothing to cut it up than to buy it pre-made. The sauce for the oriental BBQ sammich was a sticky sweet concoction full of ginger and absurd amounts of garlic. However…..
BULLET POINTS OF INSANITY FROM SPICY’S
- We used to buy whole chicken wings and cut them by hand into the little drummies and 2nd joints. We did this by removing the safety guard from the meat slicer and cutting the severing the wings joints upon the spinning blade of doom. It was hugely effective but terrifying.
- I saw the owner “allegedly” thaw a case of frozen chicken wings by running them thru the Hobart with the sopa hoses disconnected.
- Once, to save a buck or two, the owner tried using solid shortening in the fryers. While cleaning it, the shortening overflowed and covered the floor in a congealed mass of discount , off brand crisco.
- Roaches. Napkin Holders. Use your imagination. Then double that.
- Gaggles of 17 year olds drunk on 24 ounce can’s of Foster’s, some of Murvill’s best and brightest at the time
- We once sold 1600 pounds of chicken wings in a single day. This is part of why I really don’t like UT football games. Every Saturday home game is an exercise in torture if you work on the Strip
- Tables of Vol’s linemen on all-you-can-eat wing nights could consume upwards of 50 poounds of wings per table. The most I saw ever was a skinny dude who ate almost 130 wings.
- The owner of the building would sell parking spaces on gamedays, pack the cars in like sardines, and then leave. Noone could get out until the “key” cars were moved. Once mine was a “key” car and it was moved by a gang of about 8 guys into the middle of the street.
- Whiskey. Knives. Hot grease. What could go wrong?
Anywho, here are some posters of sheer awesomeness
I remember when I was in 5th grade we moved from Alcoa out to the county area known as Binfield. I was put into Binfield Elementary and immediately started getting into trouble, mostly for being too smart. The most memorable was when we were starting simple division, FOR THE FIRST TIME<that’s right, “we” were just starting to learn division at the end of the 5th grade year. At Alcoa we had been learning this, oh I don’t know, the WHOLE DAMN TIME we were in school, so I had a wee bit of a head start/ Let me say this, I am not making fun of anyone who went to county schools, but more so the schools themselves.
Anywho, the question posed to the class was “what is 9 divided by 3?” Well I answered it immediately and was quickly admonished and ushered out of the classroom, aka a trailer, at which point I was whooped with a paddle. Ahhhh, the good old days when you could hit kids with a large stick! The same teacher also paddled everyone in the class for being too loud at lunch one day. Every single kid, even the quiet ones. You know, spare the rod, spoil the child kind of thing. The same teacher also sent home a pamphlet warning us of the impending Rapture. My rather liberal parents didn’t care too much for that, and I thought it was laughable at best.
The only thing they could do after that was to make me sit in with the 8th graders during class so I didn’t get too bored.
Hey look posters!
I remembered the less annoying way to share bunches of photos, much like how I remembered that Vick’s Vapor Rub does not work for pork butts. That barely makes sense, I’m sorry. Here’s some purty pictures